


After All This Time

by BatmanWhoLaughss



Series: Cal & Kanan [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Jedi: Fallen Order (Video Game), Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Angst, Cal Kestis Needs a Hug, Childhood Friends, Childhood Trauma, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Kanan Jarrus Needs a Hug, M/M, Post-Order 66 (Star Wars), Post-Star Wars: Jedi: Fallen Order, Pre-Star Wars: Rebels, Rescue, Reunions, these two own my heart
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:28:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27746737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BatmanWhoLaughss/pseuds/BatmanWhoLaughss
Summary: “Caleb, c’mon buddy, say something.”“...Cal?” It comes out as a whisper. He’s still not sure whether he’s dreaming or not, and all he can do is repeat Cal’s name on a loop.“Yeah. Yeah, it’s me.”---Six years after the Purge, Cal Kestis and Caleb Dume finally find each other again. The two survivors have some catching up to do.
Relationships: Caleb Dume & Cal Kestis, Caleb Dume/Cal Kestis, Kanan Jarrus & Cal Kestis, Kanan Jarrus/Cal Kestis
Series: Cal & Kanan [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2027282
Comments: 14
Kudos: 103





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a written out version of the story Kanan tells in [part 2 of this series!!!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27726149)
> 
> I suggest reading parts 1 and 2 before reading this one, as they are all connected. Enjoy!! Not quite sure how many chapters this will be yet, so stay tuned :)

Kanan Jarrus is sitting on a landing platform, waiting for his own execution, and oddly enough, all he feels is an overwhelming sense of peace. 

He’s been cheating death for six years now, since the Empire took over and everything he knew and loved was ripped away from him. He’s spent the past six years on the run, hiding what he is and pushing down all the messy, broken pieces of his heart in the process. Now that it seems like all of that might be finally coming to an end, he’s not scared, or sad, or ashamed. He’s just at peace. 

He’s in a lot of pain, of course. One eye is swollen shut and he knows there are probably bruises covering every inch of his skin. The Imperials beat him to a bloody pulp when they took him captive, taking sadistic pleasure in bringing a Jedi to his knees. Even a young wisp of one. 

There’s a firing squad in front of him, twiddling their thumbs and waiting for someone higher up to give the order. He can  _ almost _ reach the two halves of his lightsaber, if he stretches just enough, but trying to do so pulls at his sore chest and he stifles a groan of pain. But there’s no point, really. How far will he get? Maybe he would prolong the inevitable for a few hours, but as he spots the AT-ST turning the corner, he feels nothing except a growing sense of acceptance. 

The troopers turn towards him again, and as one of them hauls him to his feet, his thoughts stray to Master Billaba. How disappointed she would be that her sacrifice meant so little. 

They drag him to the center of the platform, where a man in an officer’s uniform stands waiting. He watches Kanan with a cold, clinical gaze. There’s no sympathy, no kindness in it. To him, Kanan’s a traitor- the worst thing there is. 

“Take aim,” he says, coldly. 

He always was bad at keeping his mouth shut, so he can’t resist asking. “Aren’t you supposed to ask me if I have any last words?” 

The officer nods at a trooper standing next to him, and suddenly the butt of a blaster is forcefully shoved into his stomach and he cries out as he falls to his knees again.  _ Guess not. _

Kanan looks the officer dead in the eye. If he’s going to die, he’s going to die with at least a single shred of his dignity left. 

The man is seconds away from giving the order, when all of a sudden the ground behind him explodes in a burst of noise and light. 

Kanan is thrown backwards, and he lands on his stomach with a groan. He’s a little woozy from the pain, but as he struggles back to his knees he starts to hear blaster fire, and troopers barking orders at each other. They’re shooting at something off in the distance‒ what looks like a ship hovering a few feet from the platform. Through his one good eye, he sees a lone figure step off of it, and‒ 

He has to be seeing things. It has to be the pain messing with his mind and his eyes playing tricks on him, because he thinks he can see the bright blue glow of a lightsaber moving steadily towards him. 

Suddenly, he’s  _ terrified _ , in a way he can’t really explain. Half of him is convinced he’s seeing things, while the other half is running wild with questions and feelings that he hasn’t dared to think about in years.  _ Is there… Is that… Can this be real? _

Groaning again, he struggles to move as the blue light gets closer and closer. He thinks he might see a flash of red hair that he’s only seen in dreams since the Purge, but he can’t be sure. And then, suddenly, the man is in front of him, shaking his shoulders. There’s a scar across his eye, and a droid on his shoulder that he doesn’t recognize, but the extra sense that he can’t shut off is registering a presence that he hasn’t felt since his Temple days. And the red hair… He freezes entirely as his eyes widen, but the other man is still shaking his shoulders.

“Caleb. Caleb! Can you hear me?” 

Kanan can’t speak; even if he wanted to, he’s still in  _ shock _ that after thinking he was dead for  _ years _ he’s actually  _ here _ right in front of him. He’s dreaming, he  _ has _ to be. The troopers took the shot and this is all in his mind. He‒

“Merrin! I need some help over here!” 

“I’m a little  _ busy _ at the moment!” Kanan vaguely registers the other voice coming from somewhere to his left, but he can’t stop staring at the man in front of him. The sound of blaster fire fills the air, and the rest of the world is rapidly fading away.

“ _ Caleb _ , c’mon buddy, say something.”

“ _...Cal _ ?” It comes out as a whisper. He’s still not sure whether he’s dreaming or not, and all he can do is repeat Cal’s name on a loop.

“Yeah. Yeah, it’s me.” Cal smiles, and that’s when Kanan feels an overwhelming sense of joy pass through his entire body. He’s  _ never _ forgotten that smile. But he has  _ so  _ many questions, so much he needs to tell Cal, and he can tell from the way Cal is looking at him that he can sense it. 

“I know. I know,” Cal says, as he cuts the binders from Kanan’s wrists and helps him to his feet. “I’ll explain everything later, I promise. But right now we’ve gotta move. Can you walk?”

“I‒” He cries out as a burst of pain runs through him. “Mostly.” 

“Alright. C’mon buddy, let’s go. We’re getting you out of here.” Cal slings one of Kanan’s arms over his shoulders, and even through all the pain he can’t help but feel a little warmer.

They stumble through the platform towards the ship waiting at the other side. Cal’s deflecting blaster bolts away from them as they go, and Kanan can’t stop staring at him for long enough to do much other than shuffle forward. It feels a bit like dragging his body over broken glass, but he keeps moving all the same. 

They’re nearly at the edge of the platform, and Kanan can see the entry ramp of Cal’s ship, when they both stumble as a searing pain rips through his arm. He cries out, and suddenly Cal’s hand is on his face as his vision swims.

“Caleb, you’re alright, it just grazed you. We’re almost there, okay? Just stay with me.” 

He’s trying, he really is, but his vision goes blurry again as he drags his feet and he leans heavily on Cal’s shoulder. 

He manages to make it another five feet before he sways again. 

“Caleb, no, stay with me, _stay with me_ –” 

It’s the last thing Kanan hears before he blacks out.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love this fic and I love these two Jedi boys with all my heart and soul. Not quite sure how many chapters this is going to be yet, but we're rolling with the punches.

Cal feels Caleb go limp in his arms, and if they weren’t already standing on the ramp of the Mantis, he would be panicking. His heart is pounding against his chest, and just for a moment, he freezes, thinking they might have been too late, and this is the end of the line for all of them.

Luckily, Cere is waiting for them, and she and Merrin help lie Caleb down on the sofa as Cal jumps into the co-pilot’s seat. It  _ hurts _ to leave Caleb lying there like that, but he trusts Merrin and Cere to look after him until they’re safely in hyperspace. 

Greez fixes him with a concerned look when he enters the cockpit, and BD-1 beeps curiously at him, but Cal just shakes his head. “Let’s get the hell out of here. Then we’ll talk.”

“Okay, kid.” There’s sympathy in Greez’s tone as he glances back towards the main room of the ship, where Cal can hear Cere and Merrin talking in low voices. But he blocks them out, for now, helping Greez program the navicomputer and trying to ignore BD-1’s worried noises. 

There’s some TIE fighters chasing them, but the Mantis is faster, with more powerful shields, so they’re able to shake them with ease. Cal barely registers the tossing and turning of the ship as Greez swerves, and he’s firing shots from the Mantis’ weapons as if on autopilot. Before he knows it, they’re out of range. 

When they make the jump, the blue streaks of hyperspace snap Cal out of whatever funk he’s in, and he springs out of the co-pilot’s seat. 

“How is he?” he says in a rush, when he enters the common room of the Mantis.

Caleb is still unconscious. Cere and Merrin are binding his arm, wrapping his ribs, and applying bacta patches to the worst of the injuries. They’ve got his shirt off, and Cal would blush if he wasn’t horrified by the sight in front of him. Every inch of his friend is covered in bruises, and along with the fresh injuries, Cal catches sight of old scars that look suspiciously like blaster bolts. Absent-mindedly, he touches the scar on his own face. Seems like the years haven’t been kind to either of them since the Jedi fell.

“Kid, you okay?” Greez’s hand is on his arm. Cal didn’t even hear him approach from the cockpit, he was so stunned into silence. 

He swallows, jerking his head towards the couch as he feels BD-1 crawl onto his shoulder. “Is he gonna be okay?”

Glancing up, Cal is startled to see Cere standing to his left. She puts a hand on his shoulder. “He’s gonna be fine. Couple of broken ribs and a lot of bruises, but nothing life-threatening. He just needs to rest.” 

Merrin pipes up from where she’s still sitting next to Caleb. “I’ve cast a spell that should put him to sleep for a few more hours. Give his body a chance to heal. But he will be okay.”

“Good. That’s… good.” Cal takes a seat on the small table near where Caleb sleeps. He’s still staring at his face, watching the slow rise and fall of his breathing. They came  _ so _ close to being too late; a moment later and they would have been dragging his body onto the Mantis.

Cal barely recognizes Caleb Dume. His hair is long now, almost down to his shoulders, and he’s sporting a goatee that Cal would tease him about if the situation wasn’t so dire. But when he met Caleb’s eyes on the landing pad, they were still the same brilliant teal he remembered. Cere squeezes Cal’s shoulder before moving towards the galley, trying to give them some space. BD-1 lets out another mournful beep. 

“He’s gonna wake up soon, buddy,” Cal says.  _ He has to. There’s so much I need to tell him. _

Merrin is watching him with a sad look on her face. “Who is he?” she says, softly.

Cal swallows down the lump in his throat. “That story you told me, about Ilyana? How you were… close.” Without thinking, he reaches for Caleb’s hand. It feels warm in his, and his finger slides over to feel the pulse thrumming steadily in his wrist.

Merrin nods, and Cal lets out a shaky sigh. “His name is Caleb Dume. He’s… well, he was, my best friend. Before the Purge. We grew up together.” 

Merrin glances down at Caleb. “And you two were… close, as well?”

Caleb blushes as memories come bubbling to the surface. One late night on the roof of the Temple, when he awkwardly reached for his friend’s hand and leaned in for a fumbling kiss. The night he learned that all his messy, inexplicable feelings weren’t unrequited after all. 

“Jedi aren’t meant to have attachments,” Cal says. “But… yeah. We did everything together. I always hoped that when we were both Masters, we could...  _ be _ together.” He laughs. “We always had a habit of bending the rules, I guess. But after the Purge, all I wanted was for him to still be alive.”

Merrin smiles. “I’m happy for you. Truly. I’m glad we found him in time.” 

“Me too.” Truthfully, there’s an overwhelming sense of relief coursing through his entire body, like something that’s been missing for years has finally shifted back in place. He always assumed that Caleb had to be dead; he was closer to the front lines than Cal and Master Tapal were, when the Purge started. And then, when word spread that the Empire took over, he didn’t dare to hope that Caleb survived. He saw the holos, when the Empire captured the last of the remaining Jedi and started… making examples of them. As much as it hurt to think he was well and truly alone, death during the Purge was certainly better than the fate some Jedi Knights had met.

_ Bee-beep-bee! _

BD-1 breaks Cal out of his reverie, and he chuckles, softly. “Thanks, buddy. I’m sure he’ll be happy to meet you, too.” He remembers the two of them chasing mouse droids when they were no more than eight or nine, and he lets out another laugh. “He’s gonna love you,” Cal says, reaching over to pat BD on the head.

Merrin rests a hand on his shoulder as she stands. “I’ll give you two some space. But he’ll be asleep for a few hours, yet. You should get some rest yourself.”

“I will,” Cal says, nodding slowly. His hand is still resting in Caleb’s. “Thank you, Merrin.” 

She walks away, towards the bunks, and then it’s just the two of them. Cal is still watching the slow rise and fall of Caleb’s breathing, and before long his eyes slide shut and he slips into a borderline-meditative state. As he reaches out through the Force he can feel Caleb’s presence meld with his own, and it’s the closest feeling to coming home that he’s had since the days before the Purge. 

It’s like the past six years never happened, like they’re both kids at the Temple again and they’re finding new ways of getting into trouble. It relaxes him, the way Caleb’s aura burns bright and clear in the Force around them, and even though it’s layered with pain that mirror’s Cal’s own feelings, there’s a sense of relief buried there. Like even unconscious, Caleb’s happy to see him, too.

“I’m really glad we’re both still alive, Caleb,” Cal whispers. There’s so much he wants to tell him, so many  _ what-ifs  _ and possibilities he never thought they’d be able to explore. But now that they’re together again, he can’t help the smile that stretches across his face or the blush that coats his cheeks. 

When Merrin walks back into the common room three hours later, Cal hasn’t moved from his perch, and his hand is still twined with Caleb’s.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :) I really hope you're enjoying reading this fic as much as I'm enjoying writing it

Kanan wakes up on a strange sofa. 

He blinks rapidly as his eyes struggle to adjust to the light. One of them is still swollen, but he can see out of it a bit, and he stares up at the ceiling of a ship he doesn’t recognize. There isn’t quite as much pain now, but he’s still sore all over. He can feel a bandage on his arm that wasn’t there before, along with a dull throbbing sensation. He’s still a little hazy, and he vaguely wonders why he isn’t in a cell, before his whole body tenses and the memory of the past few hours come rushing back to him. 

“ _ Cal, _ ” he gasps, sitting up with a start. 

“Hey, take it easy.” There are two women staring down at him, both wearing matching smiles. He recognizes the voice- it’s the same one he heard shouting on the landing platform. Her face is oddly pale, and she’s wearing dark red robes. But he can’t relax; part of him is still wondering whether this is all a dream.

“Who‒ where‒”

“It’s alright. You’re safe. No one’s going to hurt you.” That’s a new voice, and it’s coming from the other woman. She’s older, with short hair and dark skin and a presence that feels familiar somehow. 

“I’m Merrin,” says the woman in red. “You are on a ship called the Mantis. I’ve mended your injuries as best I can, but you need to take things slowly so you can heal.” 

Merrin helps him sit up, being careful not to jostle him too much. He’s nervous, and in pain, but he feels safe here. He can’t explain why, but he feels some of the tension leaving his body.

“My name is Cere. You’ve been unconscious for some time.” The older woman sits down next to him. “I’ve heard a lot about you, Caleb Dume.” 

That makes Kanan freeze again. “How‒” He coughs as his ribs throb painfully; he should have realized that they might be broken. “How do you know my name?”

There’s a new presence behind him that he would recognize anywhere, and all notion of taking it easy leaves his mind‒ he turns around so quickly that it makes his whole body ache.

“I told them,” Cal Kestis says, with a huge smile on his face.

Kanan’s eyes are wide as saucers as Merrin helps him stand. The whole room is silent as Kanan meets his eyes properly for the first time in seven years. It’s surreal, and every dream he’s ever had about finding Cal alive after the Purge is suddenly coming back to him. He can’t stop staring at him, inexplicably standing here, alive and well, after all this time. Cal’s hair is longer, and he’s got a scar across his face that Kanan doesn’t recognize, but it’s  _ definitely  _ him, and he makes his way over to Cal in a daze. 

When Kanan hobbles over to stand in front of him, he gapes at Cal like he’s drinking him in, and he can see that Cal is doing the same. He can’t believe that after all that time he spent looking for Cal, all those months trying to planet-hop his way to Bracca and find his friend, all those nights drinking to his memory after he accepted the likely truth, it’s Cal who actually found  _ him _ , just in the nick of time. 

“Cal,” Kanan whispers. 

“Caleb. It’s been a long time,” Cal says, with that smile still on his face. 

“ _ Cal _ ,” he says again, and this time it comes out as a shaky laugh as he stumbles forward and throws his arms around his friend. He’s hugging Cal so tightly it must be hard for him to breathe, but he doesn’t care, not when they’re both still impossibly alive after everything that’s happened. His face is buried in Cal’s shoulder as a few stray tears leak from his eyes. Cal’s holding onto him just as tightly, laughing as his hand fists into Kanan’s shirt. 

They don’t move for a few minutes, and even though they have a very curious audience staring at them, Kanan doesn’t pay them any mind. He can feel Cal’s heartbeat against his chest, and his warm body pressed to his is making every vague, wistful thought about the future from when they were both younger come rushing back. 

Eventually, Kanan pulls back, when his curiosity starts to overwhelm his relief. His hand is still on Cal’s shoulder, and Cal’s hand is on his. 

“How…” Kanan swallows down the lump in his throat when he sees Cal’s eyes shining too. “I thought you were  _ dead.  _ Like all the others.”

“I thought the same about you. When our comlink went dead, and I realized that  _ everyone _ was betrayed…” 

Kanan looks down at the floor. “I barely made it. I survived on scraps for months and I had clones tailing me for years.” He glances back up at Cal’s face. “I tried to hitch my way to Bracca, afterwards. Tried to find you.”

“I kept my ears open too, for any news,” Cal says, and there’s a tremor in his voice. “I couldn’t get off-planet, but… I always hoped that you survived, too.” 

Kanan can’t help himself- he has to hug Cal again, because the sheer joy coursing through him right now is more overwhelming than anything he’s ever felt. He can feel the same emotions coming from Cal, and it makes him blush, slightly. 

When Cal pulls away, Kanan can’t help but ask. “...Master Tapal?”

Cal’s face falls, and he shakes his head. He nods at Kanan. “Billaba?”

Kanan sighs. “Gone.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah.” He gives Cal a small smile. “Me too.” 

“I still can’t believe you’re _here_ ,” Kanan says. “This feels like a dream.” The blush gets a little bigger as Cal’s smile grows to match his. Then he frowns as something occurs to him. “How the _hell_ did you find me?”

Cal laughs, rubbing the back of his neck. “We were monitoring Imperial transmissions. We intercepted a message saying they’d captured a Jedi. And then they mentioned your name, so I knew I had to check it out.” 

“You saved my life.” 

Now Cal blushes. “Don’t mention it. I’m just glad we got there in time.”

_ Bee-beep-bee! _

Kanan glances down in surprise, and there’s a small droid standing near Cal’s ankle and looking up at him expectantly. It’s an old BD unit, and he recognizes it as the droid on Cal’s shoulder from the landing platform. Cal laughs as the droid toddles over and bumps Kanan's leg with his head.

“BD-1 says he’s glad you’re okay, too. And he wants you to know that he helped.” 

Kanan chuckles. “Thanks, little guy.” Another series of happy beeps follows the statement. Kanan glances towards where Cere and Merrin are still sitting on the sofa. “To all of you, really.”

Cere shakes her head. “Don’t mention it, Caleb.”

Kanan gulps. “I… I haven’t used that name in a long time. Not since the Purge. I go by Kanan Jarrus now. But…” he glances at Cal. There’s something that feels…  _ wrong _ about giving Cal his new name, that he can’t really explain. “It’s kind of nice to hear it again.” He pushed Caleb Dume so far down that he thought he was dead.

Cal nods, and there’s an expression on his face that Kanan can’t quite read. “Changing my name would have been a good idea, huh.” He gives Kanan that small smile again. “I guess you always were the smart one.” 

That makes him laugh again, and he can’t resist giving Cal a light punch in the shoulder. It already feels like old times, like they’re a pair of troublemakers in the Temple again. “I always told you so, didn’t I?”

Cal claps Kanan on the arm, before helping him back towards the sofa. “C’mon,” he says. “Come meet the family. Seems like we’ve got a lot of catching up to do.”

Kanan blushes. His heart is still racing, and he can’t help but wonder what exactly Cal means by  _ catching up _ . But for the first time in a long time, even as his body protests from all the movement, he dares to hope that something good will come out of this.


	4. Chapter 4

_ Catching up _ is an understatement.

The six of them are gathered together in the small common room, after Greez whipped them up some food. Caleb–  _ Kanan now _ , Cal remembers, even though it still feels weird to call him that– still looks exhausted. Before Cal could say anything, Cere declared that any conversation could wait until they all had something to eat, so Cal clamped down on his impatience. He’s antsy, eager to know  _ everything _ that happened to Caleb since the Purge, and from the look in his friend’s eye, the feeling is mutual. 

Still, though, he begrudgingly kept his mouth shut while they all waited, making small talk as Greez cooked. Caleb stared at the Mantis like he couldn’t believe it was real, and occasionally asked a question or two about the ship that became Cal’s makeshift home. Cere was happy to answer, with Cal throwing in the occasional comment or two. But mostly, Cal just gawked, fighting the urge to pinch himself to make sure he wasn’t still dreaming. 

Finally, Greez is back with some kind of stew that smells delicious, and they all settle in to eat. Caleb’s smile is huge, his eyes wide as he mumbles a small  _ thank you, this is amazing, _ and Cal can’t help but wonder when the last time he had a home-cooked meal was. He remembers some nights on Bracca when he was struggling to make ends meet, and he shudders. 

At some point, BD-1 vacates his perch on Cal’s shoulder to climb onto Caleb’s, and even though the latter raises an eyebrow, he just laughs and pats BD on the head. The droid lets out a series of happy beeps in response. 

“ _ Hey, _ ” Cal can’t help but say indignantly. When Caleb glances at him with a bemused smile, Cal shrugs. “He said your shoulder is more comfy than mine.” He’s grumbling, but there’s no malice in it, not really. Not when his best friend is smiling at him again. 

“I’ve never been a big fan of droids, but I’ve gotta admit, I like this little guy,” Caleb says. 

“See buddy? I told you he’d love you.” 

_ Beep-boop-bee! _

“That means he likes you too,” Cal says, laughing. 

There’s a few moments of silence while they all finish eating. The others are suspiciously quiet, as if they know they need to give Caleb and Cal a little while to unwind. But after a few minutes, Caleb finally asks the question that’s been on both of their minds. “So, what happened? How’d you all find each other?” 

Cal, Cere, Merrin and Greez all share a look, as if trying to come up with a plan. They don’t speak for a minute or two, but Caleb doesn’t push. He’s just staring at Cal, the question still shining in those brilliant blue eyes of his as he waits for them to answer. 

Finally, Cal sighs. “It’s a  _ really _ long story.” 

\----

“You did  _ what?” _

Caleb is staring at him with his mouth wide open. Cal lets out a nervous laugh, rubbing the back of his neck. “I told you it was a long story.”

“But you-” Caleb’s mouth is still open, and he glances over at BD-1 for a moment. BD tilts his head in something like a shrug. “You  _ broke into the Inquisitors’ base?!”  _

Cal shrugs. “We needed to get the holocron back. We all nearly died, but we managed to make it back in one piece.” 

“You’re  _ insane _ .” Caleb shakes his head, suddenly laughing. “I can’t believe you.” 

“Oh come on,” Cal says, trying to lighten the mood. The whole story took a long time to tell, and he’s looking for something to distract from the heavier bits. “After all the stunts we used to pull as kids, you’re really surprised?” 

Caleb’s expression turns thoughtful. BD had crawled off of his shoulder to perch on the sofa between Caleb and Cal, and Caleb reaches over to pat his head absent-mindedly. “Actually, no, never mind, I can believe you. I guess I shouldn’t be too shocked.” 

Now it’s Cal’s turn to laugh, as a memory comes bubbling unexpectedly to the surface of his mind. “Hey. You remember when we snuck into the Council chamber in the middle of the night?” 

Caleb snorts. “Obi-Wan nearly killed us.” His head bows low, though, and his voice is quieter than it was. Cal frowns, thinking for a moment that he did something wrong, when Caleb shakes his head, seeming to banish whatever he was thinking. “So what happened to the holocron?”

Cal frowned, casting a glance at Cere and Merrin. “It’s gone. Destroyed. Now the Empire can’t get their hands on those kids.” 

“Good,” Caleb mutters, nodding. He’s frowning again, though, and his voice sounds bitter. Cal can’t help but notice that he’s been doing that at every mention of the Jedi. He could barely look at Cere after she told him about Cordova, and Trilla. 

But Cal bites down on the question he doesn’t want to ask, because part of him can sense the turmoil coming from his friend. Caleb’s whole body is radiating tension, and his aura in the Force is putting out a mix of joy and deep-seated anger and fear at the same time. It makes Cal’s insides clench, but there will be time later to unpack exactly just how deep Caleb’s scars run, and how much they mirror Cal’s own.

For now, he leans in a little closer, resting a hand on Caleb’s shoulder. “What about you?” he says, trying to keep his voice light. “What have you been up to since the Purge?”

Caleb sighs, running a hand through his hair. It’s loose now, instead of the ponytail it had been in when they found him, and Cal can’t help but think about how much he likes it. He fights the urge to blush as Caleb looks up at him again. 

“Lots,” Caleb mutters. “I’ve been working odd jobs, mostly. Hopping from planet to planet to try and stay ahead of the Empire, whenever I get enough cash. This wasn’t the first time they’ve caught me, but so far I’ve made it out mostly in one piece.” His voice is quiet again, and there’s a hint of fear there that Cal really doesn’t like. 

_ Mostly _ in one piece. Cal barely suppresses his shudder. He thinks back to his trial on Ilum, when he’d been so sure he was going to freeze to death in those ice caverns, and he’s terrified to think about what  _ mostly _ might entail. 

Caleb gives him a rueful smile. “Don’t look so worried. It’ll take more than some low-grade Imp to keep me down, you know that.” 

Cal knows he’s saying it for his benefit, but he can’t help the frown that spreads across his face when he realizes Caleb’s smile doesn’t reach his eyes. 

Those  _ eyes.  _ He’s always been transfixed by those eyes, even when they were kids and he didn’t know the first thing about anything he felt. But he always knew how much he loved that brilliant teal color, bright and sparkling and  _ alive _ . There were times since the Purge that he thought he saw the same color, but there’s nothing in the galaxy like that unique shade of blue. 

But the youthful sparkle in them that always used to shine there when they were kids is gone now, replaced by a haunted look. They’ve both been through  _ so _ much since the Purge, but suddenly Cal can’t help but feel that his friend is hiding so much more than what he’s showing on the surface. 

He swallows thickly, and he feels the flush creep up the back of his neck as he glances down at his hands. The memory of that night on the rooftop all those years ago is still playing on loop in the back of his head, and he can’t help but wonder what will happen now that the two of them are together again. But the larger, practical part of his brain reminds him that they literally  _ just _ met up again; there’s still a long way to go before either of them are ready for that. 

Caleb’s eyes are starting to droop shut, his body swaying slightly as all the fight seems to go out of him suddenly. Cal watches his hand drift unconsciously to the bandages on his ribs, and he’s snapped back into the present. Chastising himself for entertaining vague, wistful romantic thoughts while his friend is still  _ hurt _ , he pulls Caleb to his feet. 

“C’mon,” Cal says, slinging Caleb’s arm over his shoulders. “You should get some rest. There’s plenty of time to chat once you’re all healed up.” 

Caleb just nods, and Cal can practically feel the waves of exhaustion starting to hit him. BD lets out a series of beeps, crawling back onto his perch on Cal’s shoulder as they make their way to the bunks. Cal can feel the others watching them as they go, but he doesn’t pay them any mind. He knows they’re still antsy about bringing someone new aboard, especially Cere, but he’s still too happy to have his friend back to really care. 

They’re almost to the bunks when Cal notices Caleb watching him intently, snapping out of the fog of exhaustion for a moment or two. It’s arresting, so much so that Cal stops moving a few feet away from the bunks. 

“Do you…” Caleb mutters, before swallowing thickly. “Do you remember the roof?” 

Cal’s mouth is suddenly dry, and his heart is pounding. But somehow he nods. “Yeah. Yeah, I do.”

“Do you think–” He cuts himself off by coughing loudly, resting a hand on his bandaged ribs again. 

But before Caleb can continue, Cal shakes his head. “Later. You should rest for now. We– I mean, there’s time to talk about all that once you heal up.” 

“Right,” he says, and for a moment Cal is worried that he said the wrong thing. But then Caleb smiles again, a real one this time. “I’ll hold you to that.” 

Cal smiles back. His heart is still pounding, but they’ve got nothing but time. He’s not planning on letting Caleb out of his sight anytime soon. 

**Author's Note:**

> Come find me on twitter if you wanna keep in touch!!! @targaryenjedii
> 
> Not sure how many chapters this will be just yet, so stay tuned for more!!!


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